Maybe because they stab you in the lip with the Novocaine needle by accident, making it bleed and leaving a scab, before filling the room with the smell of drilled tooth, followed by sticking some kind of dental pipe cleaner in your nerve socket and taking four x-rays, making you walk within view of the crowded waiting area to the x-ray room (twice) with your mouth numb and propped open and full of: pipe cleaners, rubber guard that keeps the gunk from going into your mouth during drilling, and drool. Then you sit there with the x-ray stuff also crammed in your mouth hearing her warning over and over: “Don’t close your mouth at all or it will shove those metal things further into your root canal and hurt more.” Response: choke choke as you tried to breath through the rubber thing flapping and covered in drool for about 20 minutes—and that was just the x-ray part of a two-hour appointment. It really felt like one of those dark, twisted nightmares where you’re not sure how you got there or why you’re stuck but you know you can’t escape. And joy of holiday joys, this two-hour appointment was one of at least three sessions needed for the entire procedure. The next available appointment isn’t until the middle of January. So between now and then I can’t eat anything as crunchy as an apple or I risk fracturing what’s left of my tooth under its temporary crown. I would give a big fakey smile here but I can’t move the left half of my face. Happy Holidays!