So the other day I parked the Scoop near Shonandai Station. I was a little early for Happy English class (yes, that’s the real name) and I was feeling the effects of skipping coffee that morning–as in, my head was extra boring. This is not a good way to start an hour-and-a-half English class. I’d seen a sign for Starbucks on the station platform, so I knew there was one around here somewhere, but…where?? This is the closest Starbucks to my house and I don’t even know where it is. Which brings me to today’s subject: ko-hee. In “Rapid Japanese” the very first thing you learn is how to order, “A coffee, please.” “Ko-heeeeee, wo kudasai!” Easy! But I have rarely had the opportunity to use this because most ko-hee in Japan is not very good. I do not like sweet coffee. YUK. Double the cream, please, but absolutely no sweet. This represents the vast minority of ko-hee drinkers in Japan. Any vending machine has a variety of hot and cold ko-hee drinks: flavored, milky sweet, black. But not creamy-non-sweet. Anywho, so back in Shonandai I wandered around, did not see any green circle beacons, and settled instead for Gourmet Doctour or something, another common ko-hee shop. To be quick I ordered the special because it’s name–Caramel Morron–made me chuckle. Ha ha, caramel MORON ko-hee! ha ha! Well, the joke was on me, because in classic Japanese ko-hee style, it was 1. waaaay too sweet, 2. sedimenty. Meh. Not the best. I had a sad flashback of all the wonderful “flat white” coffees I had in Perth, Sydney and Hong Kong recently (the only difference between a flat white and a latte is that a flat white has less steamed milk). Le sigh. Right, so the disorganized point of this post is: How to Order a Ko-hee, or Japanese coffee. In a word: DON’T. Brew your own or have the Afternoon Milk Tea instead!