Pop into the Jacksonville Federal Courthouse anytime (actually, between 8:30 a.m. – 4 p.m.) and you may be enlightened and entertained. All these records are public access, and while I’m searching for important business cases I often run across these little gems.
Why this case filing is excellent:
1. Hand-written. So many people complain that they never see hand-written notes anymore. I’m sure most of the clerks at the courthouse wish they could say that. If you were bringing a legal accusation against someone, wouldn’t you take the time to go to the library across the plaza and type it?
2. Scritch-scritch-scritch. Scribbling words out is how my sister and I make each other laugh in all those hand-written cards we send each other. This is a legal document. Can he not find another piece of paper to start over when he messes up on ‘hospital’??
3. Context: none. From the looks of it, this poor guy was visiting a frail relative in the hospital when the doctors and nurses attacked his totally healthy self and stuffed the Drug (capitalized—also excellent) ‘Finigin’ down his throat, making him violently ill! That is what we do at hospitals!!
4. My favorite part: what is used to make Finigan? he asks. Poisonous plant? Snake venom? Spider venom?? All common ingredients of Drugs stuffed into healthy people by those (scritch scritch scritch) Hospitals.
There was another page to this case that wasn’t public access because the dude put personal info on it, which is really too bad. I’m dying to know what he wants (beyond their Drug recipe). Most hand-written cases ask for tens of millions of dollars. But what I can’t get past is how eerily similar this case filing is to some weird vocabulary-usage assignments I had to proctor in that stint as a substitute teacher in remedial English classes in Pensacola. Maybe this guy’s top-fade is innovation, then fine.