The Unknown Road

We are looking down the Unknown Road now FOR SURE. There is so much uncertainty about the next six months of our lives that it sometimes feels like I am immobile with unknowns. I have a project that’s been taking shape over the past four months that is scheduled to complete in the next six weeks or so, but if it gets delayed anymore, it’s pretty much off. UNKNOWN. Chris and I were hoping to take our first private getaway without the Goodbaby for our eighth anniversary, but kept hitting roadblocks. I finally bought plane tickets and made a B&B reservation…and they both fell through a few days later. What?! I’ve never had so much trouble making reservations anywhere. Maybe it’s not meant to be. UNKNOWN. We were supposed to have orders for our next tour by March, but so far we don’t even have a hint. We could move anytime late summer or fall, and, you know, we’re HAVING A BABY SOMEWHERE in Sept/Oct. UNKNOWN. About that baby: girl or boy? C-section or VBAC? Early or late? America or overseas? I’m not looking for advice—my doc said we need to wait and see what’s best, so that’s what we’re doing. Some of it depends on where we go next, when we go, the results of the fetal echo that will check for heart defects in a couple weeks, etc etc. UNKNOWN. 

I like a little uncertainty in life—who doesn’t? It keeps things interesting. But this is too much for me. All of a sudden I’ll be like, “Whoa, I’m feeling kind of anxious.” Once I realize that, I can think, “The future is unknown to me. God is sovereign and knows where we’ll be in six months. I trust God.” Of course guessing the future is too much for me. Of course it’s not too much for God. 

One of my friends asked me after Isaac’s heart surgery how I could trust God with my fears that we could lose him. If my son had died, how could I have still loved and trusted God? I said, “Well, the Bible doesn’t tell me what God’s going to do in this situation or that situation, but the Bible does tell me who God is. Even if—especially if—the worst happens, God is still God. I might not understand why things happen, but fortunately God is not limited to doing things within my understanding. How small would that god be, right?” 

ALL BETTER! More or less!

For example, moving to Pensacola was not our first choice. We like Pensacola well enough, we’d just already been here. But the doctor who saved Isaac’s life is here. The cardiologists in Atlanta commended her for finding Isaac’s coarctation based only on how his murmur sounded. They said it sounded like a typical, benign murmur most kids outgrow. We also found out that waiting much longer to do his surgery would have been too late. So it’s hard to second-guess orders to places we don’t want when we have this excellent example of God providing for every need of Isaac’s before we even knew there was a problem to worry about. 

IN THAT VEIN OF NEWS, after seeing some doctor or other twice a week for the past month, Captain Goodbaby is OFF ALL MEDICINE. This is so great. He’s had to take stuff every single day for over a year. Being off it successfully means his little body has totally recovered from not only the surgery, but the coarctation itself. His cardiologist explained, “There are kids we can cure; kids we can fix, but need to monitor; and kids we can treat, but who will need ongoing care. Isaac is in the second category. We just need to keep an eye on him.” Not having to take medicine means he won’t need to see a cardiologist nearly as often for the rest of his life. Woo hoo! 

And you know what? This is everything we prayed and hoped for 15 months ago and ever since. This was a dark Unknown Road, and I really wanted to know the future. But now we can look back and say, “Look what God did for us!” As Mater says in Isaac’s favorite movie, “Ain’t no need to watch where I’m going; just need to know where I’ve been.” 

Tape broke. 90s problem!

So it’s ok not to have all the answers. I guess. I know where I am; we have a general idea of our destination (probably not here…probably involving a hospital in about five months). We know where we’ve been (and I’ve been in the driver’s seat with “Cars” playing behind me 5,000 too many times, CLEARLY). 

No need to be immobilized on the Unknown Road: “…We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you” (2 Chronicles 20:12). And…now when we get orders to somewhere really crappy and have to move next week everyone can laugh at us and tell us we deserved it. Ugh, I am totally asking for it with this post. Wish us luck!!